A birthday in Heaven

Well, today would have marked the 2nd birthday for Cameron. "They" say time heals, and I suppose it does to some degree. But there will always be that Cameron shaped hole in our hearts and lives. We think about how all his pain and suffering are ended and how beautiful Heaven must be.... None of us ever got to spend our 2nd birthday in Heaven! 

We obviously miss him greatly but are thankful for the time we had with him. Some days go by quickly and easily..... Others not so.... I was looking forward (since he had been gaining strength to hold himself up) to actually take my little buddy on the tractor and other things a father does with his son this summer, so I sometimes long for things like that. But I know it wouldn't have compared to playing in the Streets of Gold! We feel so blest to have been able to care for such a precious little angel and pray for God's direction and will to be done as we look to see what the unknown future holds. 

This picture was given to us as a Christmas gift last year with a little "letter" from Cameron. It hangs in our bedroom as a reminder of what really matters in this life here on earth.  

The letter reads: 

Dear Mommy & Daddy

I want to take a moment

To say a little "hello".

It's been a little while 

And I know you miss me so. 

I want to thank you for your love,

So wonderful and sweet,

And for the love of God you gave,

Which made our home complete. 

The air upon the earth 

Was not pure enough for me.

So Jesus brought me here with Him,

To live eternally. 

It's wonderful in Heaven;

There's more joy than I can tell. 

No longer will my life be spent 

So sickly and unwell.

He freed me from all sickness,

Suffering, and pain, 

And gave me life and breath, 

That I might live again. 

Please don't forget,

As you live on earth below- 

I want to see you here someday,

When Jesus brings you home.

Love, Cameron 

At times I'm a little more emotional than I like to admit. But it's tough to read through that without at least a little tear. So hug your children and tell them you love them. You never know what life may bring. I'm thankful that almost every night I was able to either stick my head in his room and tell him his daddy loved him (even if he was already asleep) or say it through the phone if he was in Cleveland.  I'm thankful he had no doubts of how his mommy and daddy felt as he went home.

Jordan and Joy

A long time later

Well, the plan was to update the blog soon after Cameron had passed away. As you have probably checked multiple time to see what we have posted, it obviously never happened. Overall, we thankfully have been doing ok. We have had our tough days here and there that seem to come with no warning. You feel fine and then all of a sudden you get all emotional or at times I can get fairly short with Joy for no reason at all. 

Recently at a viewing, in line at Gillmans, I saw a little flyer about losing children and how people cope with it. I grabbed one to see what it had to say figuring that someone in an office somewhere got paid to come up with such a thing. I was shocked at how accurately it described us. I don't remember word for word what it had to say but it mentioned how the mother tends to be emotional and a few other things and how the father hides his emotion and stress in work and making himself busy. It was comforting to realize that there are people who get it. Not to mention all those who we had no idea lost a child or that we did know but didn't have a clue what it meant. Sometimes I thought at least there wasn't much time to get attached, well, when Cameron came out of that delivery room and I saw him breathing and crying, I was attached. He was ours!

The support that we still feel day in and day out is very much appreciated and it's pretty humbling. I have learned a lot about what I HAVEN'T done to help those going through the trials of life. Missing my little buddy does give an "extra" insentive to strive for Heaven. I shouldn't need that but Cameron is someone I know. And I (we) can't wait to pick him up again!

If there's one thing I can encourage you about life, I will assure you that when someone is taken from you the last thing you will ever think is "I wish I would've spent less time with them." Spend time with your children/wife/family/whoever is important to you. Life is short. We were not put on this earth to build up our financial status. There's nothing wrong with working hard, but I sure can't think of a night laying next to Cameron playing on the floor that I wish I'd spent working on some tractor. And I'm still struggling with that balance issue as I'm sure many others do. 

We haven't taken the time to start looking for his marker stone yet but I had finally gotten some silk flowers put out there about a week or so ago. Then we wound up getting that real windy spell and I was sure they were scattered all over.  I didn't really want to go look but I didn't want his grave looking like a mess either. We went through there Sunday morning. As we drove around the loop to his grave site there were other arrangements tipped over and/or blown about. But his were still there just as straight as they were when I put them there. Maybe wind ruffled a little but still looking fine. Things like that are encouraging. Maybe God just telling me again, "Don't worry I got this. I'm in control. Just trust Me." 

 

Jordan

"When someone becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure."

One day at a time

We do appreciate prayers as we head into these next few days. And at some point we plan on explaining in alittle more detail how Cameron's last few weeks went. Don't forget to spend time with your children! Love, Jordan and Joy

The Reward

Our precious little Cameron is now Safe In The Arms of Jesus. He went Home to Heaven this morning at 2:15 while his daddy held him and mommy laid right beside them on the hospital bed. We are so thankful his suffering is now over and that he has embraced eternal bliss. Now for those of us still here looking on.... We need the prayers of those we love to continue on as we lay our heads down in this empty, quiet house. And we just hope that his loving smile and short precious life has touched the hearts and lives of many as much as it has ours. 

Thanksgiving Day

This morning in rounds the doctors decided that they probably shouldn't change anything today except lower his sedation drip a tiny bit. To help clear the muddy water about the vent... The tube is out! But they are using the ventilator to give him pressure through a cannula in his nose. The cannula is similar to what he uses at home, just larger. He still has fevers but with around the clock Tylenol it has at least been in check (mostly).  We are so thankful that he has been able to keep the breathing tube out.  

16 Months Old

Today Cameron is sixteen months old, hard to believe.  With Cameron's fevers over the weekend and Monday, the scope of his airway was canceled.  We were disappointed, but the team was afraid to put him under the stress.  His fevers have continued and all new blood cultures are negative.  His "pic" line does have a clot around it, but they say it is pretty common.  They don't think it's the reason for the fevers, but with Cameron it is possible.  They decided to leave the line on rather than putting in a new line.  Over the last couple days they have been going down on the vent settings an this morning at 11am they pulled the breathing tube out.  He did really good and was pretty calm for it, but this time they didn't turn all his sedation off.  He is still actually on the ventilator it is just a non-invasive nasal cannula.  So a lot of support still, but they wanted to take slow steps this time to help hopefully keeping him from needing the tube.  We are so thankful the tube is out and we hope and pray it will stay out.  He really looks so good and is very comfortable so we have high hopes.  

Fevers

Early this morning cameron started having fevers again.   They drew blood cultures and so far they aren't showing anything.   He has had a fever all day and nothing seems to get rid of it,  but we aren't sure he is absorbing what he gets in his j feeding tube because his feeds were backing up into his stomach.  So his feeds were stopped most of the day. They are getting ready to give him IV Tylenol and we are hoping this will bring the fever down.  We are unsure if they will do the scheduled procedure tomorrow morning of if it will need to be postponed a day or two because of the fevers.