Sunday, March 16, 2014

A long time later

Well, the plan was to update the blog soon after Cameron had passed away. As you have probably checked multiple time to see what we have posted, it obviously never happened. Overall, we thankfully have been doing ok. We have had our tough days here and there that seem to come with no warning. You feel fine and then all of a sudden you get all emotional or at times I can get fairly short with Joy for no reason at all. 

Recently at a viewing, in line at Gillmans, I saw a little flyer about losing children and how people cope with it. I grabbed one to see what it had to say figuring that someone in an office somewhere got paid to come up with such a thing. I was shocked at how accurately it described us. I don't remember word for word what it had to say but it mentioned how the mother tends to be emotional and a few other things and how the father hides his emotion and stress in work and making himself busy. It was comforting to realize that there are people who get it. Not to mention all those who we had no idea lost a child or that we did know but didn't have a clue what it meant. Sometimes I thought at least there wasn't much time to get attached, well, when Cameron came out of that delivery room and I saw him breathing and crying, I was attached. He was ours!

The support that we still feel day in and day out is very much appreciated and it's pretty humbling. I have learned a lot about what I HAVEN'T done to help those going through the trials of life. Missing my little buddy does give an "extra" insentive to strive for Heaven. I shouldn't need that but Cameron is someone I know. And I (we) can't wait to pick him up again!

If there's one thing I can encourage you about life, I will assure you that when someone is taken from you the last thing you will ever think is "I wish I would've spent less time with them." Spend time with your children/wife/family/whoever is important to you. Life is short. We were not put on this earth to build up our financial status. There's nothing wrong with working hard, but I sure can't think of a night laying next to Cameron playing on the floor that I wish I'd spent working on some tractor. And I'm still struggling with that balance issue as I'm sure many others do. 

We haven't taken the time to start looking for his marker stone yet but I had finally gotten some silk flowers put out there about a week or so ago. Then we wound up getting that real windy spell and I was sure they were scattered all over.  I didn't really want to go look but I didn't want his grave looking like a mess either. We went through there Sunday morning. As we drove around the loop to his grave site there were other arrangements tipped over and/or blown about. But his were still there just as straight as they were when I put them there. Maybe wind ruffled a little but still looking fine. Things like that are encouraging. Maybe God just telling me again, "Don't worry I got this. I'm in control. Just trust Me." 
 
Jordan

"When someone becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure."



3 comments:

  1. Thanks for posting Jordan. I miss our little guy too. It makes me smile when I think of Cameron and Zach hanging out together in Heaven. Wonder which one talks more? Zach who always had a lot to say on earth or Cameron who never got to communicate with words:) Either way I know that the are both happy and pain free-such a blessing.

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  2. Appreciate reading an update. Thanks for sharing these thoughts from your heart and for the reminder to treasure every day. Love Jenny's comment too :)

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