Recently at a viewing, in line at Gillmans, I saw a little flyer about losing children and how people cope with it. I grabbed one to see what it had to say figuring that someone in an office somewhere got paid to come up with such a thing. I was shocked at how accurately it described us. I don't remember word for word what it had to say but it mentioned how the mother tends to be emotional and a few other things and how the father hides his emotion and stress in work and making himself busy. It was comforting to realize that there are people who get it. Not to mention all those who we had no idea lost a child or that we did know but didn't have a clue what it meant. Sometimes I thought at least there wasn't much time to get attached, well, when Cameron came out of that delivery room and I saw him breathing and crying, I was attached. He was ours!
The support that we still feel day in and day out is very much appreciated and it's pretty humbling. I have learned a lot about what I HAVEN'T done to help those going through the trials of life. Missing my little buddy does give an "extra" insentive to strive for Heaven. I shouldn't need that but Cameron is someone I know. And I (we) can't wait to pick him up again!
If there's one thing I can encourage you about life, I will assure you that when someone is taken from you the last thing you will ever think is "I wish I would've spent less time with them." Spend time with your children/wife/family/whoever is important to you. Life is short. We were not put on this earth to build up our financial status. There's nothing wrong with working hard, but I sure can't think of a night laying next to Cameron playing on the floor that I wish I'd spent working on some tractor. And I'm still struggling with that balance issue as I'm sure many others do.
We haven't taken the time to start looking for his marker stone yet but I had finally gotten some silk flowers put out there about a week or so ago. Then we wound up getting that real windy spell and I was sure they were scattered all over. I didn't really want to go look but I didn't want his grave looking like a mess either. We went through there Sunday morning. As we drove around the loop to his grave site there were other arrangements tipped over and/or blown about. But his were still there just as straight as they were when I put them there. Maybe wind ruffled a little but still looking fine. Things like that are encouraging. Maybe God just telling me again, "Don't worry I got this. I'm in control. Just trust Me."
"When someone becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure."